I Shall Call Him -- Mini-Me

The Washington Post regales us today with the Great South Carolina Minibottle Mystery. As detailed in the article, it is written into the South Carolina constitution that hard liquor may only be served from minibottles in bars (frankly, banning gay marriage would be a step up in constitutional seriousness.) Oh well, better that than seceding from the Union, I guess. Now, the bartender must pour out the whole contents of the bottle, meaning that S.C. drinks are pretty stiff at 1.7 ounces of hard liquor per drink. Further a Long Island Iced Tea ends up big:

Because [Charleston bartender] Keller is forbidden to pour a partial minibottle, a Long Island Iced Tea -- made of vodka, rum, tequila, gin and triple sec -- gets so big that it has to be served in a pitcher and contains 8.5 ounces of liquor. The lightweights pull up to his bar and ask for "two split three ways or one split two ways," and Keller takes care of them, wedging a minibottle between his fingers and casually flipping them backhanded to pour.

Even though I'm from South Carolina, I've never spent any time drinking in bars there; my dad lives right on the GA border, so we would go to bars in Savannah instead. Plus, much of my family is composed of strict tee-totalling pot-smokers (really, don't ask.) So I don't know the answer to some obvious questions. Such as, is the South Carolina martini legally composed of (shudder) equal parts gin and vermouth? What about a Cosmo? Do you have to order four or five at a time, thus buying five minibottles of vodka and one of Cointreau? And, John wants to know, is there a special, delicate, fencing-like art to S.C. bar-fights, in which people break off minibottles and circle warily around looking for the chance to gouge out an eye? Any fellow South Carolinians want to help me out here (provided you're not Clemson fans)? I know plenty of S.C. alcoholics, but they all nurse cases of beer and bottles of Maker's Mark at home, so they can fire guns randomly without getting into much trouble, like honest Southerners (I'm looking at you, Moore).

Comments

[Kip Manley]

I don't think anyone orders Martinis or Manhattans in South Carolina, so. Problem solvedish.

I can't get through to the Post story, since my DSL connection won't let me upload my firstborn so I can register as One of the Lucky Ducks Who Get to Read the Post. But does it also mention the ancillary wonder of the red dots? --Every liquor store in South Carolina, without exception, has a red dot outside. Some are covered in red dots. Many of them are named some variation of "The Red Dot Store."

I keep hearing it that state law mandates all liquor stores must be marked with a large red dot, but I think it's probably more likely that state law forbids any direct advertising of liquor for sale on the premises, and so over the years a convention evolved whereby the sign for liquor was a red dot. (Someone said they started out as old round tin Coke signs, painted red.) Still, the blue laws in South Carolina (items that may not be purchased on a Sunday: light bulbs; hammers; diapers; among many other weirdly specific things. There used to be a crack team of the SLED that went around trying to buy this stuff on Sundays to bust WalMart and Bi-Lo and the like; I always thought a '70s cop-show parody of this team would make for dry, dry fun)--as I was saying, the blue laws are weird enough that I could buy that there is, indeed, a law insisting all liquor stores must be marked with a red dot, in the Passover fashion.

But I never went drinking in bars in South Carolina. I'll have to ask my sister.

[Kip Manley]

Sorry to leap right back in, but this waltz down memory lane got me curious, so I googled: here's another article on the mini-bottle situation (noting some suprising upsides to the whole deal, plus some unexpected consequences, like landfill problems) in which, down at the bottom, you'll find this quote:

Change would take some getting used to, Knowles says -- like making a martini with real Triple Sec and vermouth, rather than nonalcoholic versions, like having to weigh big bottles every night during inventory, like making Long Island Ice Tea in a glass.

But, he adds, "I think, after a year, everybody would like it."

Non-alcoholic vermouth? Oh, my stars and garters...

[ben wolfson]

Making a martini with real triple sec?

[DJW]

Don't they have mini-bottles of pre-mixed alcohol in appropriate portions for Long Island Ice Tea? I've seen that in big bottles.

[Dan S]

Kip-

I am dying to see your show.

[Patrick Nielsen Hayden]

Since vermouth isn't hard liquor but rather an aromatized wine, I suspect the martini thing isn't a problem. Indeed, I don't think I've ever seen a "mini-bottle" of vermouth.

[Martini Bob]

We do drink martinis in SC!!!!

www.scmartini.com

[Jay Redman]

Here in KY we have 120 counties of which 53 are dry. Go figure....and we produce some of the world's finest selling bourbons!

[jackee]

that's nice for mini bottle of martinis because when we order of wine and big bottles came we want to finished all bottles and some time we hangover so mini bottle of wines is good thinking