Some people have their shit together, while others are members of my family. I just did something SO stupid. Since Violet is only two months old, I thought she could travel on my passport. I further thought that travelling on my passport meant just that: I show up with the baby and my passport and her father and the birth certificate and off we go. Ha fucking ha. In retrospect, I have no idea why I thought that would work. Maybe I could have, you know, looked into it a little? So, Tena and my in-laws got on the plane yesterday morning, and John and Zoë and Violet and I went to the US embassy. But they've tightened the rules and will no longer insert a page allowing children under one year to travel on their moms' passport. No, little Vi Mai needs her own passport. And they don't have expedited service or temporary passports for someone who needs a new passport, they way they do in the case of a lost passport. The long and the short of it is that everyone is on the beach in Phuket except me and baby. They might finish her passport in time for me to buy a new, last-minute ticket and go for a couple of days. Maybe. And I'm all by myself and baby is sick. I cried last night. Why am I such a fucking retard? Before leaving last night, Zoë said "Mommy, you're dumb like Homer, but I'm smart like Lisa!" That's right, honey. You are.