The candy-sampled clone they call bassoonman

I'm fooling with Apple's GarageBand; it's addictive. Tonight I am not too shy to offer to a dubious public (drumloop please) "The candy-sampled clone they call bassoonman" (MP3), my first composition. I aspire to a sort of Beau Hunks do Raymond Scott sound. With talent and a little luck someday I will bother to acquire the knowledge needed. In the event, I settled for Beau Hunks slumming their way through Lemon Jelly. Or something.

It took approximately three hours, plus forethought, but including time spent figuring out what the buttons do. Plus you've got to have Audacity (see Belle's bleg) if you want samples from your own record collection. Of course you do.

I'll tell you a little story about the bassoon and bells loop around which I constructed my opus. (Painless incongruity plus parallel fifths my motto.) It's snagged from this album which I converted into MP3's some years back. And now some fine someone out there is letting me show you the cover. Isn't that nice? The thing to notice about the cover is that maybe the girl is a guy. Notice the wide shoulders and big hands (I admit it's not easy to judge from the jpeg).

This guy's album cover site is great. Check out this cover. I admire the man for not only scanning the things in but inputting liner notes. Check out Music From Mathematics. (We've got an old early synthesizer album somewhere with a Moog version of "Wichita Linesman" on it. Yeesh.) Moving along, Come Spy With Me. Also, Music To Read James Bond by. There's a notion. (And volume 2.) But best of all may be The Age of Reliability. Not for the cover so much as the notes:

America today expects innovation . . . Americans are so used to advancement that change itself has become the rule, and pause the exception. Consider how many once-fantastic things are now commonplace . . . reflect on the startling developments since World War II . . . since the 'fifties . . . since last year!

This is the Space Age . . . a new and different age in which to live. Children - growing up - are affected by it. Families - living faster, better - are molded by it. Men - bringing new techniques, unique technologies, to basic industry - work with it.

The world is different. Our lives are different. And, in the Space Age, manufacturing is very different. Machines, assemblies, components, are much more complex . . . very much more critical. Today, the products of industry must function dependably under almost unbelievable operating requirements. Reliability is the basic ingredient in space age manufacture.

Then the Borges-like list. 'Things that sound reliable from a distance?'

The Sounds That Are Heard: Sputnik I •  Heartbeat of the dog, Laika, in Sputnik II • Alan Shepard during re-entry of space capsule, Freedom 7 • Montage: Test firing of various rockets and missiles, telephonic multi-frequency tones, blast furnace warning whistle, conveyor belt testing machine, continuous tape reader, jet passes—X-15 • Music produced and performed by an electronic digital computer • Sophie Tucker, Al Jolson, Irene Bordoni • Model "A" Ford • Nieuport with Hispano engine •  Mrs. Robert Hutchings Goddard • Goddard Rocket (simulated) • Rudy Vallee, Franklin Delano Roosevelt, Adolf Hitler, German troops and military band • King Edward VIII, Bing Crosby, "Hindenburg" disaster reported by Station WLS announcer •  World War II bombardment, Winston Churchill, British convoy attacked by German Messerschmitts—described by BBC announcer • U. S. Army sergeant and GI's. Japanese Special Envoy Nomura • John Charles Daly, Franklin Delano Roosevelt, World War II battle sounds • Air raid - London • Atom bomb ("Operation Crossroads"), General Douglas MacArthur • Sputnik I • Heartbeat of Laika, Explorer I: blast-off •  Montage: Nike-Ajax, Minuteman, Snark, Corporal • Tapping blast furnace, Stamping presses •   Heavy-duty sewing machine, L-Frame spinning machine, Tape-weaving loom •    Drilling and blowing oil well • Edge grinder, Gasket cutter, Reclaiming cutter • Montage: Passenger steam locomotive, Telegraph key, Radio code signal, B-52 Jet, Multi-frequency telephone tones • Micro-grinder •  Bill Haley • Bowling ball • X-15 • Yankee Stadium baseball crowd • Montage: Explorer VII, Continuous tape reader, Continuous printer •  President Dwight D. Eisenhower - re-broadcast from space •  G. E. scientist bouncing voice off the moon •  Electronic digital computer programmed to play music • Atlas - countdown and lift-off • Conveyor belt test machine • Dynamometer test: brake linings and clutch facings •  Hammer test: abrasive wheels • Spin test: abrasive wheels • Alan Shepard - recorded in space capsule Freedom 7 during flight

All that makes bassoon, bells, banjo, trumpet, bass, twinkle piano and secret agent guitar sound like a conventional ensemble.

What I've learned tonight is that creating absurd musical jokes is surprisingly easy in this day and age.

Comments

[woof]

Hey! not bad for a first try. Do you know Peep's album "The Joy of Being"? Check it out.
Giovanna says she'd have put more trombone.

[MikeAdamson]

Very nice.

[Carlos]

Your blog has a theme song! I am picturing the opening credits as something like Bewitched's, for no very good reason.

[C Mas]

Sweet. I like it a lot.

[ben wolfson]

How could anyone dislike it? It's got bassoon!

[spacetoast]

See, maybe it's ideological, but I have yet to be convinced that Garageband can manage anything where the drum track doesn't pull the rug out from under the whole thing...

But I like that your thing doesn't have that ass-clenched tickety-tick high-hat, and, overall, it has a pleasing, gamboling, Mr. Ed-ish quality, with the bassoon and all. Needs more tuvan throat-singing, though.

[Clancy]

Kind of Esquivel meets Musak! I love it.

[Gabriel Seah]

I'm not into Jazz but this isn't bad.

At least until the metallic riff (?) in the middle.

[jholbo]

You are right that I need to work on the spy guitar bit, Gabriel.

But on the whole I am heartened that my offering has met with critical acclaim. Nary a negative review in the bunch. Whew. Dodged a bullet. (Woof, I'm not sure what Giovanna means by 'more trombones'? As in 'any'? Or does she mean the trumpets?)

[Agagooga]

Now that I don't need to my log blog comments I can revert to the pseudonym I am wont to use.

Synthesised instruments are hard to tell apart.

[jholbo]

Aha! I recognize you under that ridiculous synthetic name, Gabriel.

[Scott McLemee]

Why the complaints about the guitar riff? That's what *makes* it.

Needs some cow bell, though. Can't live without the cow bell.

[ben wolfson]

Actually, I think the banjo is the essential part. It's like salt or bitters—you only need a little, but what a difference it makes!

[jholbo]

I am proud of myself for not overusing the banjo, yes. The slapstick must not be played like a drum. That is not its function.

As to the guitar. Yes, it is essential, Scott, but there's something wrong with what I've got. If you play the guitar bit directly against the bassoon or the bass its almost pure sour, so I subtracted rhythm background except for drums and one mournful bass note - which is already a sort of acknowledgment of failure - but you can still sort of hear echoes of the sourness. I mean: obviously it's jarring. But parts of it are jarring in a bad way. Must find a solution.

Cowbells would be gilding the lily.