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Until now, I had never read this Chuck Klosterman article listing THE TEN MOST ACCURATELY RATED ARTISTS IN ROCK HISTORY! (via Julian Sanchez, via Jim Henley. And thanks for posting it on your LiveJournal, random person!) It is awesome. Read it.

7. Tone Loc: Nobody really takes Tone Loc seriously, except for frivolous pop historians who like to credit him for making suburban white kids listen to rap music that was made by black people (as opposed to the Beastie Boys, who made white suburban kids listen to rap music that was made by other white people). This lukewarm historical significance strikes me as sensible. Neither of Mr. Loc’s hits are timeless, although “Wild Thing” samples Van Halen’s “Jamie’s Cryin’” (which I like to imagine is about M*A*S*H star Jamie Farr, had Corporal Klinger pursued sexual--reassignment surgery in an attempt to get a Section 8) and “Funky Cold Medina” samples “Christine Sixteen” (at a time when Kiss were making records like Hot in the Shade and nobody in America thought they were cool except for me and Rivers Cuomo). Those two songs were actually cowritten with Young MC, whose single “Bust a Move” is con-fusing for the following reason: Its last verse states, “Your best friend Harry / Has a brother Larry / In five days from now he’s gonna marry / He’s hopin’ you can make it there if you can / Cuz in the ceremony you’ll be the best man.” Now, why would anybody possibly be the best man in a wedding where the groom is their best friend’s brother? Why isn’t your best friend the best man in this ceremony? And who asks someone to be their best man a scant five days before they get married? This song is flawed. And while I realize the incongruities of “Bust a Move” have absolutely nothing to do with Tone Loc, the song somehow seems more central to Tone Loc’s iconography than his role in the movie Posse, which was the best movie about black cowboys I saw during the grunge era.

Hey, I thought KISS were cool then too! Slightly off-topic, I listened to Kriss Kross' "I missed the bus" today, and people stared at me on Jalan Merah Saga because I was laughing out loud like a big goofball as I waited for Galerie Cho Lon to open.

Comments

[Brad]

From all accounts, Klosterman is a huge tool -- but I agree that this piece is brilliant.

[Jonathan]

By "all accounts," do you mean something you read in the eXiLe?

I think he's about that funny all the time.

[Yan]

Yes, somebody has to say it: Klosterman is, well, overrated. But he really is spot on about some of these, especially Matthew Sweet and the Beatles. The Beatles one should be obvious, but you never see it put so perfectly and succinctly. The MBV one is both exactly right and painfully wrong. This is perfect: "Loveless sold about 200,000 copies. This is the correct number of people on earth who should be invested in the concept of swirling guitars." But of course absolutely no one rates it that low, so it's wildly overrated.

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